Sunday
Cricket - Of cousre WE WON
Disclaimer: This article is for the explicit eyes of GSC HR only.... any resemblance to anyone anywhere is seriously regretted..... meanwhile if you do find your names here, do not be surprised........ ...remember it could also be any of the 200,000 other people you share your name with . Care has been taken to remain in senses while writing this article ....... anything unpardonable written was in the unconscious state Of course !!!! We Won.......... by A Sightly Drunk Special War Correspondent It was inevitable that we would win........... After days of mentally agonizing preparation both in India and overseas, spanning multiple coins and currencies and studying a wide range of results and probability factors, it was but natural that despite the killing heat, the strong breeze blowing across the ground from south-west to north-east and the slightly unnerving green top cover on the pitch, our captain strategically called correct and WON the toss.............. proving that "practice makes a man perfect" ................. WINNING does come naturally to this team !!!!! Of course the game was a different scene altogether.............. Electing to bat on the green top, Team HR was faced with one of the most hostile spells of Vaseline induced swing bowling from both ends and the openers struggled to find their feet (actually found their feet but could not find the ball)........ Rajat getting fed up and running himself out of the ground ( large turning radius and heavy load problem) followed soon after by Jetlagged Abhimanyu who tried to save his bat from the ball and let the impact be taken by the stumps....it was 20 for 2. The elegant left handed Aras and the brute force of Sinha then decided to take the matter in their hands and clobbered the bowlers all over the park ....Sinha was specially trying to hit Sahara Airline planes circling the ground every time he got a chance .........taking the score to well past 50 before deciding to return to the comforts of the pavilion. Sen was unable to perform as competitor data was not available and last times performer Bent (Senior) hung around for a little while before realizing that he does not do any work during the day. True to tradition, having seen the seniors (not) perform, the juniors decided to follow suit and Khatri (he forgot his gloves and goggles), Pande (aree bhaiya ball nikal gayee...sir aab kya karuu) did not even think it was important to hurt their bats.........and returned them to the pavilion without even a dent on them. Newcomer Bhavik ( gillespie look alike) did a little bit of swinging around before calling it quits.... it was 110 for 8 Meanwhile outsourced batsman Iqbal (dont be decieved by the name) decided to wield his mace and powered his way to 19 before losing his bails...... We had to outsource some of our activities because regulars like Shounak (busy recruiting for the opponents), Sanjay & Kaushal (Coaching commitments), Ahuja (serving a ban for excessive appealing) and Royce (Guest lecture at Kobe Sizzlers) were unable to make it to the match....... we missed them a little bit .............mostly during the time when the heat on the ground was too much ............but definitely not during the post match binging......... Finally there was a spark as Prakash (of the Break-fast fame) and "What should I do , Man?" Bent (junior) decided to make the most of the opportunity to showcase their talents and did some swinging around .... reaching the boundary a couple of times and along with Mr extras pushed the score to 140 before diving for cover in the a/c comforts of the dressing rooms. The score looked competitive ...and would have been had we not got a call from CHIEF BOOKIE (no names please....but this is a tall person with salt and pepper hair who has connections with top officials of the opposing team) to play in the spirit of partnership.............and to provide exemplary Customer satisfaction............. Although most of team HR did not want to take the ground (due to heat on ground and beer in the pavilion), captain abhi finally managed to drag everyone to field....... and two quick strikes (One caught behind and one knocked over) had the opponents on their knees. With the odds very much against the opponents, another call from THE BOOKIE made us relent a little bit of pressure ...........We removed our strike bowlers Sen and Bhavik and sent in first change to let the pressure off..... and the third wicket partnership of a 100 took the game away in the midst of dropped catches, no attempts to run out and finding almost non existent shade on the ground......just to prove that we could have won anytime that we wanted, Sen and Mathur came back to demolish the batting stars in the end ....but the match had already been fixed !!!!!!! We gave away 48 extras just to make sure that the spirit of partnership was honored..... MR BOOKIE is the only one walking around smiling today .............all the other folks who slogged it out are paining in most parts of their bodies !!!! In true tradition , Mutton Pav was amazing and the beer was chilled ....this was one time when everyone performed to top levels ........ if bonus was to be paid on this performance, most of us would be looking at retiring!!!!!!! Man of the Match was not declared as he was from the opposing team. Key learnings would be collated in the Friday meeting and a presentation made . Genevieve has been asked to schedule 1:1 meetings for team members with the coach to explain their performances. HRSD intervention is being sought to provide data analysis for players( no hurry on this one ......this would be completed by 2011 ...in time for the next World cup), a 4W competence framework would be established (Wides, Wickets, Who to Blame, What's the Excuse) for the team to work on, Average Age & Weight of the team would be reduced for future planning.Since cheering squad is in the RED, a detailed performance improvement plan in being prepared including hiring the correct cheerleaders. Meanwhile ....it's time to celebrate the winning on the toss......... People committee please take note and arrange for the party Another Mutton Pav sessions is being arranged in Nov.......... cricket may also be played in the spirit of the day :-) Till then this is your (hic!! Hic !!!) signing offfzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............whatever
Cricket - The fever continues
The Art of Pyramid Climbing
DC ya BC
A Quick look at what the 15 members of Team HR XI is doing in preparation of the Pyramid Cup on 22 October 2005......We were unable to get comments from coach Chumble, Team Manager Anil Kumar and Physio Dr Solomon as the Coach refused to speak to us today, citing a headache (quite likely given the team he has to manage) , team manager is looking for more talent and the physio is off overseas studying the art of motivation..................
Abhimanyu Singh - Currently on a World tour as part of the World XI - he is seen spending a lot of time with coach DAVE (Whatmore ...incase you thought otherwise) strategising on the future of the team & discussing whether we need to have A/c pickup and drop arranged for the match. Bookies feel he may be jet lagged for the match - still expected to open the innings and battle eleven other captains. Current Record - 07 runs ; 1 win ; 8 Beers
Soumya Sen - has been working hard on a project plan for defining the bowling band width. Worried about tennis elbow and hence has been having secret meetings with former world number 1 - (Leyton) HEWITT to understand how he can tackle the pain areas. One of the e-mails that got leaked is said to contain facts that he attends therapy sessions in the Orange and Olive Stadium almost daily with Hewitt. Bookies bet on him to open the bowling - range would be 1-4 wickets if performance is at the 75th percentile
Royce D'Costa - after last years fiasco where he could only pile up 11 pavs and half a kilo of mutton in the allocated time, he has been working on building his appetite so as to enhance the productivity of his digestive system. Under the tutelage of Australian Brad HOGG, he is now targeting to do 16 pavs and 1 kilo of mutton in the time allocated for water breaks.Cookies (oops Bookies) feel that he is likely to carry an additional tiffin from home...just in case..............
Paresh Gandhi - his adopted mentor is balance artist Nadia Comannechi - and he has been working on rotating on one leg, stretching on the front foot and twisting without hurting. He is also growing a French beard to lower his centre of gravity for better performance. Bookies feel that the likelihood for injury would be directly proportionate to how much work needs to be done on the field.
Rajesh Ahuja - banned for excessive appealing in the last match, Ahuja is working on a joint plan with Shoib Akhtar to write a book on "How to win matches with intimidation". He was also seen last at Bangalore's Chinnasamy stadium scouting for talent. He is unlikely to take the field this time. Bookies feel that he is only likely to kill one of the two umpires if he takes the filed ...otherwise the third umpire may be killed if he is off the field.
Mahesh Aras - seasoned campaigner to make his debut with this team this year and would be influential in getting the pitch doctored. Has been spending lots of time at the venue with the groundsmen to understand the turn and swing of the pitch. To counter FCOE, he is also seen focussing on drip irrigation on the ground. Bookies feel that he would swing the players by providing adequate beer.
Sachin Pande - "Inzi" of the team, he is another debutante for the team - unlikely to throw his weight around the team this time because of newness to the team. Would be the nucleus for future teams. Has been seen practicing V&A skills incase he becomes the Man of the match and has to given an interview.......also trying to ensure that all players sign the contracts. Bookies are undecided...it'll be weight and watch ...........
Yves Bent - Bandstand ka Tendulkar and last years match winner has the team management worried - is usually asleep during playing hours and is seen playing the field during the night. Is also likely to bring his own pom-pom cheering squad for the match. Also seen modeling like Steve 'Wah"
Rueben Bent - Chotta Tendulkar is likely to debut this saturday and play along big brother and if his hockey skills are like his brother then we can have a lot of scoop. Since he works in a different shift with his brother, mid wicket conferences between them could be rather lengthy. Mark 'Wah" is his role model.
Shounak Deshmukh - was snapped by papparazzi at the Hyderabad airport talking to Azharuddin for fixing some items. Has some insider information about the opposing team and may be able to influence the match even before it starts. Microphones have been kept in the Gold room to record the bookie discussions. Bookies already have information about drip irrigation of the pitch and mobility of batting order.
Abhinav Sinha - also spotted in Hyderabad with Azhar - has been rumoured to have distributed packet in lakhs to fringe players of the opposing team early this week to influence their minds. Is seem to be close to another selector of the opposing team who is known as the father of the "Good delivery Bad performance " theory among other performance theories. Bookies feel like brothers to him.
Sanjay Nair - having just completed a book on "The Art of Full Toss Bowling", he has taken retirement from active cricket to focus on creating a team for the womens world cup for 2027. Is currently naming the future of Women's cricket Likely to miss the match due to his coaching commitments.
Prakash Lakhiani - the Left arm fast bowler from the earlier match (also called Break-fast Bowler by his team for his unique stop before you bowl action), he is likely to remain food for thought.
Moin Khatri - new kid on the block & debutante too- he is fasting ( hope that means practicing to bowl fast !!!!) - has shown lot of promise and is getting coached under the spin twins of P Gandhi and S Nair to bowl fast . Will have to miss out on the food and drink ........ Royce was glad to know that.
Kaushal Parikh - we have found him recently and is currently on induction for the team. Another of the Spin twins creation - unknown performer.
Rajat Mathur - too busy writing ...................
DC ya BC
A Quick look at what the 15 members of Team HR XI is doing in preparation of the Pyramid Cup on 22 October 2005......We were unable to get comments from coach Chumble, Team Manager Anil Kumar and Physio Dr Solomon as the Coach refused to speak to us today, citing a headache (quite likely given the team he has to manage) , team manager is looking for more talent and the physio is off overseas studying the art of motivation..................
Abhimanyu Singh - Currently on a World tour as part of the World XI - he is seen spending a lot of time with coach DAVE (Whatmore ...incase you thought otherwise) strategising on the future of the team & discussing whether we need to have A/c pickup and drop arranged for the match. Bookies feel he may be jet lagged for the match - still expected to open the innings and battle eleven other captains. Current Record - 07 runs ; 1 win ; 8 Beers
Soumya Sen - has been working hard on a project plan for defining the bowling band width. Worried about tennis elbow and hence has been having secret meetings with former world number 1 - (Leyton) HEWITT to understand how he can tackle the pain areas. One of the e-mails that got leaked is said to contain facts that he attends therapy sessions in the Orange and Olive Stadium almost daily with Hewitt. Bookies bet on him to open the bowling - range would be 1-4 wickets if performance is at the 75th percentile
Royce D'Costa - after last years fiasco where he could only pile up 11 pavs and half a kilo of mutton in the allocated time, he has been working on building his appetite so as to enhance the productivity of his digestive system. Under the tutelage of Australian Brad HOGG, he is now targeting to do 16 pavs and 1 kilo of mutton in the time allocated for water breaks.Cookies (oops Bookies) feel that he is likely to carry an additional tiffin from home...just in case..............
Paresh Gandhi - his adopted mentor is balance artist Nadia Comannechi - and he has been working on rotating on one leg, stretching on the front foot and twisting without hurting. He is also growing a French beard to lower his centre of gravity for better performance. Bookies feel that the likelihood for injury would be directly proportionate to how much work needs to be done on the field.
Rajesh Ahuja - banned for excessive appealing in the last match, Ahuja is working on a joint plan with Shoib Akhtar to write a book on "How to win matches with intimidation". He was also seen last at Bangalore's Chinnasamy stadium scouting for talent. He is unlikely to take the field this time. Bookies feel that he is only likely to kill one of the two umpires if he takes the filed ...otherwise the third umpire may be killed if he is off the field.
Mahesh Aras - seasoned campaigner to make his debut with this team this year and would be influential in getting the pitch doctored. Has been spending lots of time at the venue with the groundsmen to understand the turn and swing of the pitch. To counter FCOE, he is also seen focussing on drip irrigation on the ground. Bookies feel that he would swing the players by providing adequate beer.
Sachin Pande - "Inzi" of the team, he is another debutante for the team - unlikely to throw his weight around the team this time because of newness to the team. Would be the nucleus for future teams. Has been seen practicing V&A skills incase he becomes the Man of the match and has to given an interview.......also trying to ensure that all players sign the contracts. Bookies are undecided...it'll be weight and watch ...........
Yves Bent - Bandstand ka Tendulkar and last years match winner has the team management worried - is usually asleep during playing hours and is seen playing the field during the night. Is also likely to bring his own pom-pom cheering squad for the match. Also seen modeling like Steve 'Wah"
Rueben Bent - Chotta Tendulkar is likely to debut this saturday and play along big brother and if his hockey skills are like his brother then we can have a lot of scoop. Since he works in a different shift with his brother, mid wicket conferences between them could be rather lengthy. Mark 'Wah" is his role model.
Shounak Deshmukh - was snapped by papparazzi at the Hyderabad airport talking to Azharuddin for fixing some items. Has some insider information about the opposing team and may be able to influence the match even before it starts. Microphones have been kept in the Gold room to record the bookie discussions. Bookies already have information about drip irrigation of the pitch and mobility of batting order.
Abhinav Sinha - also spotted in Hyderabad with Azhar - has been rumoured to have distributed packet in lakhs to fringe players of the opposing team early this week to influence their minds. Is seem to be close to another selector of the opposing team who is known as the father of the "Good delivery Bad performance " theory among other performance theories. Bookies feel like brothers to him.
Sanjay Nair - having just completed a book on "The Art of Full Toss Bowling", he has taken retirement from active cricket to focus on creating a team for the womens world cup for 2027. Is currently naming the future of Women's cricket Likely to miss the match due to his coaching commitments.
Prakash Lakhiani - the Left arm fast bowler from the earlier match (also called Break-fast Bowler by his team for his unique stop before you bowl action), he is likely to remain food for thought.
Moin Khatri - new kid on the block & debutante too- he is fasting ( hope that means practicing to bowl fast !!!!) - has shown lot of promise and is getting coached under the spin twins of P Gandhi and S Nair to bowl fast . Will have to miss out on the food and drink ........ Royce was glad to know that.
Kaushal Parikh - we have found him recently and is currently on induction for the team. Another of the Spin twins creation - unknown performer.
Rajat Mathur - too busy writing ...................
HR wins CRG Cup
HR wins CRG Challenge Cup
High Fives for Yves , 100 Beers consumed
Sunday Morning Writers Bureau (This report has been dowloaded from MIG.com)
When Sanjay (the Kumble ... please note "K" not "Ch") Nair bowled an inswinging , indipping, air wobbling, curving full toss which landed and parked itself at the base of Rohan (Inzaman)'s stumps ........... and in the very next over Paresh (the one legged terminator Yuvraj) Gandhi bowled the inform Yousuf Youhana, the celebrations were only a few balls away.
In one of the most historic matches ever played on the scenic MIG (M stands for Marlybourne) cricket grounds, team HR outplayed the CRG World XI , winning the CRG Challenge trophy by 19 runs and establishing themselves in the annuls of cricketing history. For a match that swung like a pendulum during the course of the day, almost a 100 bottles of beer were required to help players recover from the exhausting heat and emotionally draining experience.
Earlier in the day, skipper Abhimanyu (the Sehwag ka bhai) Singh won the toss (he had been practicing for the toss for three weeks) and elected to bat on a green top wicket which was expected to provide initial help to bowlers who managed to land the ball on the pitch. Four players immediately raced to put on pads - openers Abhimanyu (Sehwag) & Rajat ( the wall - Dravid) walked onto the grounds amid 70,000 spectators cheering them on ( atleast it sounded like 70,000 people). Back in the pavilion Soumya (Dada - Sourav) and Royce (Agarkar) were padded up.
Shoaib and Sami opened the bowling with Shoaib very very hostile in the first two overs. Abhi and Rajat put their heads down to take the score to 18 before Steve Bucknor declared Abhi LBW - dubious decision ...very Steve Bucknor. Dada was in next (Royce stayed back as they had served Upma and Chatni in the pavilion) - still struggling with batting form , Dada scored a few runs before Shoaib bowled a beauty to knock his stumps back. Next man in was Paresh (the Yuvraj) Gandhi - (Royce stayed back because they served Tang in the pavilion). Yuvraj got started with a few singles before his moved forward to play a front foot stroke, but his body weight remained on the backfoot, due to which the centre of gravity of the body exerted unnecessary force on this right leg causing it to jerk towards the square leg and thus injuring him. Hampered by this injury, he tried to hit his way out of trouble but the six he hit was a "chotta" six - and was caught brilliantly at mid on.
38 for 3 when the first of the debutantes - Abhinav (Mongia) walked in (Royce did not come because of cheese sandwiches) - but did not last long falling LBW to Murlidharan. Sanjay (Kumble with a K not Ch) was promoted up the order to pinch hit but succumbed to Murli again - 38 for 5 and team HR was struggling.
The other debutante Anuj (Murali Kartik) walked in ( Royce no - biscuits served in pavilion) and joined the Wall (some of the bricks were coming lose because of the heat) and played out Murli - for the next few overs was out to a fantastic diving catch at square leg - 46 for 6. Veteran Shounak (Manjrekar - the other wall ) joined the existing Wall ( Royce no - this time tomato sandwiches)- and then the two Deewars walled the effort while reconstructing the innings - taking the score to 74 in the 16th over with some delectable leg glances and lofted drives. Finally the Dravid wala wall fell to a sharp catch by Moin Khan - end of the first phase of resistance. Rajesh ( Kaif) Ahuja - lasted a few balls - LBW to Murli again - but this time Bucknor was almost set on fire ( because of winds , the matches did not light up) .
Then started the mother of all fight backs. The 9th wicket partnership between Manjrekar and new comer Yves (Bandstand ka Tendulkar) Bent surpassed a number of world records as it reached mammoth proportions - 79 runs in 54 balls to take the score past the 150 mark. Yves Tendulkar was brilliant with some aggressive pulls and delicate late cuts , making the veteran Shounak Manjerakar run the 22 yards plenty of times. Shounak continued with his leg glances , scoring at will on both sides of the ground. One over from Shoaib got the HR team 17 runs - the cat was among the CRG pigeons. Some of the world records they set were -
Thinnest aggregate diameter of legs of a batting pair
Least strides to cover 22 yards (Shounak)
Maximum runs scored by the hockey scoop shot (Yves Tendulkar)
With two balls to go - Yves fell for a well made 30 - Royce finally landed in the middle as the food in the pavilion was over. Two balls - two runs ( he actually ran them - took about two minutes per run ...........) and bowled on the last ball - 153 for 10 - Shounak Sir not out on 29. In the post match interview , both Shoaib and Murli agreed that they found it difficult to bowl to the 9th wicket pair as their legs were often confused with the stumps !!!!!!!!
The fielding started with a lot of josh .......... the CRG World XI (hereby called CWE) scored 30 in 3 overs as Prakash (Nehra) and Soumya (Dada) struggled a little bit in the first two overs - but Dada bowled a beauty to get rid of Afridi . To make the match competitive, HR continued to drop catches (it was finally agreed during the beer session that this was part of the strategy !!!)
Abhinav Mongia and Anuj Kartik then bowled in tandem to crush the resistance of the CWE - taking 3 and 2 wickets each in the middle overs. Rajesh (the Kaif) Ahuja at short cover taking some really sharp catches and appealing loud enough to make Bucknor weak in the knees. Royce meanwhile stood next to leg umpire Aras and kept checking the menu for lunch. He also checked with the umpire on "Why Man" the decisions he was making.... including explaining the intricacies of making LBW and wide ball decisions. Paresh Yuvraj dived for everything and made Kaif run for all the balls. The wicket keepers changed from one Wall to another - but it remained between the two walls till younger blood took over. But all was not over - Inzi and Yousuf took the fight to the finish - some aggressive hitting took them past the 100 mark when Kumble struck with the wizard ball to get rid of Inzi. Paresh Yuvraj got two ..... Rajesh Kaif picking up another catch and then Dada stamped his authority with the final two wickets - sealing the match ..........
Fielding picks were Sanjay's dance after getting rid of Inzi ( fortunately no strip tease), Paresh's dives , Rajesh's appealing, Royce's "umpire questioning", Anuj's dirty trousers, Shounaks & Rajats Sit ups behind the stumps - most of the time unable to get up, Abhinav's "fielding in the shade" , Abhimanyu's trying to be captain to 11 other captains, Soumya's Pick up and throw anywhere as long as it was in the band......Yves goalkeeping at Long leg and Prakash's "Where is prakash" .
Finally all is end that end's well .......as long as we end up as WINNERS.
Bandstand the Tendulkar was easily the pick of the batsmen . Dada the bowler and Kaif the best fielder .......... prize distribution was followed by beer distribution. Mutton Pav and Pav Bhaji was served. Royce clearly was the best eater...........
Everyone went back home dead tired - all muscles hurting.......... including one with stomach muscles (Guess this answer and SMS your answers to 98XXXXXXXX............... to win a personally autographed bat of Yves Bandstand Tendulkar.................
High Fives for Yves , 100 Beers consumed
Sunday Morning Writers Bureau (This report has been dowloaded from MIG.com)
When Sanjay (the Kumble ... please note "K" not "Ch") Nair bowled an inswinging , indipping, air wobbling, curving full toss which landed and parked itself at the base of Rohan (Inzaman)'s stumps ........... and in the very next over Paresh (the one legged terminator Yuvraj) Gandhi bowled the inform Yousuf Youhana, the celebrations were only a few balls away.
In one of the most historic matches ever played on the scenic MIG (M stands for Marlybourne) cricket grounds, team HR outplayed the CRG World XI , winning the CRG Challenge trophy by 19 runs and establishing themselves in the annuls of cricketing history. For a match that swung like a pendulum during the course of the day, almost a 100 bottles of beer were required to help players recover from the exhausting heat and emotionally draining experience.
Earlier in the day, skipper Abhimanyu (the Sehwag ka bhai) Singh won the toss (he had been practicing for the toss for three weeks) and elected to bat on a green top wicket which was expected to provide initial help to bowlers who managed to land the ball on the pitch. Four players immediately raced to put on pads - openers Abhimanyu (Sehwag) & Rajat ( the wall - Dravid) walked onto the grounds amid 70,000 spectators cheering them on ( atleast it sounded like 70,000 people). Back in the pavilion Soumya (Dada - Sourav) and Royce (Agarkar) were padded up.
Shoaib and Sami opened the bowling with Shoaib very very hostile in the first two overs. Abhi and Rajat put their heads down to take the score to 18 before Steve Bucknor declared Abhi LBW - dubious decision ...very Steve Bucknor. Dada was in next (Royce stayed back as they had served Upma and Chatni in the pavilion) - still struggling with batting form , Dada scored a few runs before Shoaib bowled a beauty to knock his stumps back. Next man in was Paresh (the Yuvraj) Gandhi - (Royce stayed back because they served Tang in the pavilion). Yuvraj got started with a few singles before his moved forward to play a front foot stroke, but his body weight remained on the backfoot, due to which the centre of gravity of the body exerted unnecessary force on this right leg causing it to jerk towards the square leg and thus injuring him. Hampered by this injury, he tried to hit his way out of trouble but the six he hit was a "chotta" six - and was caught brilliantly at mid on.
38 for 3 when the first of the debutantes - Abhinav (Mongia) walked in (Royce did not come because of cheese sandwiches) - but did not last long falling LBW to Murlidharan. Sanjay (Kumble with a K not Ch) was promoted up the order to pinch hit but succumbed to Murli again - 38 for 5 and team HR was struggling.
The other debutante Anuj (Murali Kartik) walked in ( Royce no - biscuits served in pavilion) and joined the Wall (some of the bricks were coming lose because of the heat) and played out Murli - for the next few overs was out to a fantastic diving catch at square leg - 46 for 6. Veteran Shounak (Manjrekar - the other wall ) joined the existing Wall ( Royce no - this time tomato sandwiches)- and then the two Deewars walled the effort while reconstructing the innings - taking the score to 74 in the 16th over with some delectable leg glances and lofted drives. Finally the Dravid wala wall fell to a sharp catch by Moin Khan - end of the first phase of resistance. Rajesh ( Kaif) Ahuja - lasted a few balls - LBW to Murli again - but this time Bucknor was almost set on fire ( because of winds , the matches did not light up) .
Then started the mother of all fight backs. The 9th wicket partnership between Manjrekar and new comer Yves (Bandstand ka Tendulkar) Bent surpassed a number of world records as it reached mammoth proportions - 79 runs in 54 balls to take the score past the 150 mark. Yves Tendulkar was brilliant with some aggressive pulls and delicate late cuts , making the veteran Shounak Manjerakar run the 22 yards plenty of times. Shounak continued with his leg glances , scoring at will on both sides of the ground. One over from Shoaib got the HR team 17 runs - the cat was among the CRG pigeons. Some of the world records they set were -
Thinnest aggregate diameter of legs of a batting pair
Least strides to cover 22 yards (Shounak)
Maximum runs scored by the hockey scoop shot (Yves Tendulkar)
With two balls to go - Yves fell for a well made 30 - Royce finally landed in the middle as the food in the pavilion was over. Two balls - two runs ( he actually ran them - took about two minutes per run ...........) and bowled on the last ball - 153 for 10 - Shounak Sir not out on 29. In the post match interview , both Shoaib and Murli agreed that they found it difficult to bowl to the 9th wicket pair as their legs were often confused with the stumps !!!!!!!!
The fielding started with a lot of josh .......... the CRG World XI (hereby called CWE) scored 30 in 3 overs as Prakash (Nehra) and Soumya (Dada) struggled a little bit in the first two overs - but Dada bowled a beauty to get rid of Afridi . To make the match competitive, HR continued to drop catches (it was finally agreed during the beer session that this was part of the strategy !!!)
Abhinav Mongia and Anuj Kartik then bowled in tandem to crush the resistance of the CWE - taking 3 and 2 wickets each in the middle overs. Rajesh (the Kaif) Ahuja at short cover taking some really sharp catches and appealing loud enough to make Bucknor weak in the knees. Royce meanwhile stood next to leg umpire Aras and kept checking the menu for lunch. He also checked with the umpire on "Why Man" the decisions he was making.... including explaining the intricacies of making LBW and wide ball decisions. Paresh Yuvraj dived for everything and made Kaif run for all the balls. The wicket keepers changed from one Wall to another - but it remained between the two walls till younger blood took over. But all was not over - Inzi and Yousuf took the fight to the finish - some aggressive hitting took them past the 100 mark when Kumble struck with the wizard ball to get rid of Inzi. Paresh Yuvraj got two ..... Rajesh Kaif picking up another catch and then Dada stamped his authority with the final two wickets - sealing the match ..........
Fielding picks were Sanjay's dance after getting rid of Inzi ( fortunately no strip tease), Paresh's dives , Rajesh's appealing, Royce's "umpire questioning", Anuj's dirty trousers, Shounaks & Rajats Sit ups behind the stumps - most of the time unable to get up, Abhinav's "fielding in the shade" , Abhimanyu's trying to be captain to 11 other captains, Soumya's Pick up and throw anywhere as long as it was in the band......Yves goalkeeping at Long leg and Prakash's "Where is prakash" .
Finally all is end that end's well .......as long as we end up as WINNERS.
Bandstand the Tendulkar was easily the pick of the batsmen . Dada the bowler and Kaif the best fielder .......... prize distribution was followed by beer distribution. Mutton Pav and Pav Bhaji was served. Royce clearly was the best eater...........
Everyone went back home dead tired - all muscles hurting.......... including one with stomach muscles (Guess this answer and SMS your answers to 98XXXXXXXX............... to win a personally autographed bat of Yves Bandstand Tendulkar.................
Career Paths and Notice Periods
Career Paths and Notice Periods
- From an idle mind
Ages ago when I started working, one of the first things that was told to me on my date of joining was that I would be having a three month notice period if I ever thought of quitting. In addition, if I decided to short-circuit that, I would have to pay for the shortage of my notice period after adjusting all my earned leaves.
I was among a bunch of ten odd other management trainees then and all of us nodded vigorously and accepted the terms of engagement. I was even tempted to raise my hand and pledge for the same. I had absolutely no intention of getting anywhere near serving notice period at that point of time. I was just happy being employed. Of course, all that had changed by the end of day one of working.
However, the truth of the matter is that we have always accepted notice periods at face value.
A decade or so later, I am convinced that the notice period should be as long as possible and the prerogative for deciding the length of that should be with the employee. After all, who would not want to be paid while having no responsibility and almost no accountability? I have been thinking that I should become a crusader for this.
Better still, how about serving a three-year notice period to the next firm that you join. I think it is an absolute wonderful idea and its worthwhile imagining what all you can do during the notice period.
For once, you can say what you want to your boss and get away with it. That is a nice thought to start with every morning. Then why would you not be motivated to come to office as early as possible to give him a piece of my mind at the start of the day. He has been doing this every day of your career. Now it is pay back time. Much as if you would cower when he came to you with "that" look in his eye, you could now get him (or her) paranoid with your "that" look. Moreover, keep him guessing about what is going to hit him next............ Like walking up and saying that the weather is too good to work today but telling him to stay at his desk and wait for instructions from his boss cause his boss may be feeling the same and may most definitely be in a mood to delegate work to him.
Setting goals and objectives would be easy too. You can tell him to write whatever he wants in your goal sheet and you would accept it at face value. That you wont do a thing about it is a given. Maybe you can also end the career discussion with him by saying to him that all the stuff he has put down back on your goal sheet is going to become part of his ...after all he is the boss and would still be expected to deliver it. That is a nice and easy way to upwardly delegate.
In addition, you can spend a lot of time thinking ..........and making plans for your weekends too. In addition, you can surf all the sites you want to and when you want to. Make elaborate plans (mostly accompanied by graphs and 90 page PowerPoint presentations) on the best holiday destinations or the collection of best jokes sites. You can do competitor analysis on all the job websites and recommend to other hapless co-workers your thoughts and views on how and where to get a good job. You would be amazed how many people would like to have coaching and counseling sessions with you.
You can even choose to respond to mails about a year later (like some of us in any case do) or keep asking people funny FAQs on anything they ask. In addition, you can send mass mails to employees asking them to tell your boss what compensation they deserve. Of course, you would need to do some work here like preparing a template for people to fill which documents their current salaries, their expected salaries and their dream salaries and the percentage variation in each of the categories. Then you can post all this information on a shared drive and ask the C&B to argue otherwise. If you put a note as a follow up mail saying that as an HR person you agree with their recommendations and that your boss is going to be responding to each of them individually with the corrected figures, that would make you the most loved HR person around. In addition, if you manage to build that reputation, believe me that word gets around as employees leave and recommend your name to their next organization. You would always have a job elsewhere. Moreover, if there were ever a vote in the organization, you would easily get the C&B managers job.
Otherwise, you can chose to respond to any mail with a cc to the rest of the world asking for opinions to be sent to the originator of the mail. That will keep people busy too and you could be a very successful Engagement manager
Oh and you can chat with your global CEO on "Sametime" and tell him all the juicy gossip and what is happening in your local organization (including how much money is getting wasted of people drinking multiple cups of coffee or the water being used when people have to visit the washroom after the disastrous meal they have in the cafeteria or how many printouts are shot from your boss's desk). With your direct contact with the CEO, your boss wont be able to say a thing to you and you would be loved by the CEO too....just make sure that you stay as close to the truth as possible. A global role could not be too far away.
Actually, every day, you can pretty much pick up a name from the directory and have a conversation with them for long hours. You would soon be the most networked person in the organization............The networking will always help you in the future. Soon, folks will think that you are the VP for Corporate Communications.
Of course, you could also attend all the training sessions, with a video camera and record it for employees to view at their convenience. If you build enough movie reviews in the experiential learning sessions and have enough games to horse around with, more people would be coming to you for your in-house action videos than going to the training and development cell. The head of Learning & development position could not be too far away as a career move.
Moreover, you can carry offer letters in your bag, meet a person and give them one if you like their style (or appearance as most of the cases would end up being). Your office could look like just out of Page 3 and work would automatically happen. Because of this, it would be easy to attract talent and therefore it is but obvious that everyone will think that you are the chief of Recruitment.
Now............I wish I could serve notice for life .................then I would be successful for sure...................
- From an idle mind
Ages ago when I started working, one of the first things that was told to me on my date of joining was that I would be having a three month notice period if I ever thought of quitting. In addition, if I decided to short-circuit that, I would have to pay for the shortage of my notice period after adjusting all my earned leaves.
I was among a bunch of ten odd other management trainees then and all of us nodded vigorously and accepted the terms of engagement. I was even tempted to raise my hand and pledge for the same. I had absolutely no intention of getting anywhere near serving notice period at that point of time. I was just happy being employed. Of course, all that had changed by the end of day one of working.
However, the truth of the matter is that we have always accepted notice periods at face value.
A decade or so later, I am convinced that the notice period should be as long as possible and the prerogative for deciding the length of that should be with the employee. After all, who would not want to be paid while having no responsibility and almost no accountability? I have been thinking that I should become a crusader for this.
Better still, how about serving a three-year notice period to the next firm that you join. I think it is an absolute wonderful idea and its worthwhile imagining what all you can do during the notice period.
For once, you can say what you want to your boss and get away with it. That is a nice thought to start with every morning. Then why would you not be motivated to come to office as early as possible to give him a piece of my mind at the start of the day. He has been doing this every day of your career. Now it is pay back time. Much as if you would cower when he came to you with "that" look in his eye, you could now get him (or her) paranoid with your "that" look. Moreover, keep him guessing about what is going to hit him next............ Like walking up and saying that the weather is too good to work today but telling him to stay at his desk and wait for instructions from his boss cause his boss may be feeling the same and may most definitely be in a mood to delegate work to him.
Setting goals and objectives would be easy too. You can tell him to write whatever he wants in your goal sheet and you would accept it at face value. That you wont do a thing about it is a given. Maybe you can also end the career discussion with him by saying to him that all the stuff he has put down back on your goal sheet is going to become part of his ...after all he is the boss and would still be expected to deliver it. That is a nice and easy way to upwardly delegate.
In addition, you can spend a lot of time thinking ..........and making plans for your weekends too. In addition, you can surf all the sites you want to and when you want to. Make elaborate plans (mostly accompanied by graphs and 90 page PowerPoint presentations) on the best holiday destinations or the collection of best jokes sites. You can do competitor analysis on all the job websites and recommend to other hapless co-workers your thoughts and views on how and where to get a good job. You would be amazed how many people would like to have coaching and counseling sessions with you.
You can even choose to respond to mails about a year later (like some of us in any case do) or keep asking people funny FAQs on anything they ask. In addition, you can send mass mails to employees asking them to tell your boss what compensation they deserve. Of course, you would need to do some work here like preparing a template for people to fill which documents their current salaries, their expected salaries and their dream salaries and the percentage variation in each of the categories. Then you can post all this information on a shared drive and ask the C&B to argue otherwise. If you put a note as a follow up mail saying that as an HR person you agree with their recommendations and that your boss is going to be responding to each of them individually with the corrected figures, that would make you the most loved HR person around. In addition, if you manage to build that reputation, believe me that word gets around as employees leave and recommend your name to their next organization. You would always have a job elsewhere. Moreover, if there were ever a vote in the organization, you would easily get the C&B managers job.
Otherwise, you can chose to respond to any mail with a cc to the rest of the world asking for opinions to be sent to the originator of the mail. That will keep people busy too and you could be a very successful Engagement manager
Oh and you can chat with your global CEO on "Sametime" and tell him all the juicy gossip and what is happening in your local organization (including how much money is getting wasted of people drinking multiple cups of coffee or the water being used when people have to visit the washroom after the disastrous meal they have in the cafeteria or how many printouts are shot from your boss's desk). With your direct contact with the CEO, your boss wont be able to say a thing to you and you would be loved by the CEO too....just make sure that you stay as close to the truth as possible. A global role could not be too far away.
Actually, every day, you can pretty much pick up a name from the directory and have a conversation with them for long hours. You would soon be the most networked person in the organization............The networking will always help you in the future. Soon, folks will think that you are the VP for Corporate Communications.
Of course, you could also attend all the training sessions, with a video camera and record it for employees to view at their convenience. If you build enough movie reviews in the experiential learning sessions and have enough games to horse around with, more people would be coming to you for your in-house action videos than going to the training and development cell. The head of Learning & development position could not be too far away as a career move.
Moreover, you can carry offer letters in your bag, meet a person and give them one if you like their style (or appearance as most of the cases would end up being). Your office could look like just out of Page 3 and work would automatically happen. Because of this, it would be easy to attract talent and therefore it is but obvious that everyone will think that you are the chief of Recruitment.
Now............I wish I could serve notice for life .................then I would be successful for sure...................
Wednesday
Funny FAQs - HR Offsite
One of the most tiring things to do is organize Off-sites. So many questions , mostly ranging between inane and insane . For the past three weeks, we have been bombarded by mails/ telephone calls with a variety of questions on the offsite. It has been traumatic trying to answer all of them individually , so we put together all the answers for everyone to see.........this has been taken directly from a recent telephone conversation......... Q. Is the Offsite really happening? A. Yes- unless you are told otherwise Q. When would it happen A. Hopefully next weekend Q. Weekend..... why cant we go on a weekday? A. Because we have to work on weekdays Q. But Friday is a weekday - what is your reason for going on Friday? A. Because we need two days for training? Q Training - but is this not like a picnic A. NO Q. OK ....Where are we going ? A . PraXXX Resorts Q. Why? A. Because that is the only resort that will take 40+ HR guys together is one go.......... Q. Is it a good place? A. No ....we deliberately chose the worst possible place to take you out Q. What happened to the Ambi Valley deal? A. A certain person was unable to pull that off Q. Does that mean there would be no water scooter and no movie stars in our offsite A. You have got that right . Q. Are 40+ people going - is that the entire HR team A. Yes - Q. I dont believe we have 40 people just in HR A. I don't care what you believe or not believe - thats the fact Q. So who is the facilitator? A. Mark Q. Which country is he from ? A India Q. The name does not sound like that A. I don't care Q. Is he like the last time around ? A. NO- that was a different one Q. I dont think one guy can manage 40 people A. Let him figure that out - we will ask you for advice when we need it Q. How are we going? A. By Bus Q. Can i get a special pick-up and go by a Qualis A. No - we all go together Q. Is the bus A/C? A. Naturally Q. Naturally meaning - do you have to keep the windows open A. NO - it is A/C by itself Q. What time do we leave and from where? A. Six in the morning from TKP Q. But i would be sleeping at that time . What do i do? A. Wake up Q. Oh...OK . Can i get a morning alarm call A. Check with you Manager - it requires approval Q.What about Breakfast A. We eat on the bus Q. Do we eat while it is moving? A. Yes - you cant stop the bus everytime someone wants to take a bite Q.Whats for breakfast A. Sandwiches and few other things Q. Will we have to buy coupons for it A. NO - it's free Q. What about something to drink A. Drinking would only happen in the evening Q. Is it BYOB A. No - it's provided by the organizers If you have run out of patience ..... imagine what happens to us every day Q. where are we going to stay? A. In rooms Q. Do i have to share it with someone ? A. Yes - it's two to a room Q. Can i chose my partner ? A. No - its random allocation being done by the Resort to avoid any biases Q. Can you give me the number of the resort and the person handling this ? A. NO Q. Why are you sounding irritated answering the questions? A. Take a guess Q. Is it going to rain? A. We are waiting for a confirmation fax from God on the same Q. Do i carry an umbrella A. Yes - it may be useful while you are doing outdoor activities Q. Is it possible that we may get wet? A. Yes - but only if it rains and you are in the open. The other way could be if you spill water while drinking it Q. Have you organized a barbecue? A. Yes - on two days Q. Whats the menu for all the meals A. Surprise !!!! Q. I follow the GM diet - can the resort take care of it? A. No - please carry all your special requirements by yourself Q. What are the giveaways A. Surprise Q. Can i get my Camera A. Yes - and before you ask, we will not provide camera rolls or reimbursement for the same Q. Is there anything else i need to know A. I don't know - but let me tell you that i have nothing else to tell you . Bye bye............
And they keep coming ........
Q. Are we taking a doctor along? A. Yes - Dr. So XXX S XXXX Q. Is he qualified? A. That's what the background screening report said Q.What about medicines and a hospital? A. About 15 km away - so carry your own special medicines (if required) Q. Can i catch the bus on the way? A. Sure - but you would need to run really fast Q. Is my mobile going to work? A. Yes - as long as you charge it Q. What network will be available A. None - in the resort Q- But....you said my mobile would work A. Yes - mobiles work even without the network - network is required only to make a call Q. Does the resort have TV A. Yes - in all the rooms Q. Does it show movies A. No - only training videos Q. Does the resort have child care A. No - we expect everyone to behave as adults Q. Is the Bangalore team coming in A. Yes they are flying in Q. Flying in - why cant we fly A. Because we dont have wings Q. No...... fly like the Bangalore team A. Because it's difficult to fly and land at the same airport Q. Can we fly to the resort A. Yes - but you cant land there Q.I dont know most of the people in the team - i'll feel left out A. Thats the objective of the workshop Q. To feel left out ? A. No .... to meet the other people Q. What clothes are recommended A. Last year most folks survived in shorts/ trackpants / T-shirts and windcheaters Q. Any recommended colors for me A. Yes - Purple ...with large yellow polka dots Q. How far is the beach A. A stone's throw away Q. I can throw very far A Good for you - you'll have to walk more than the others then Q. Are we allowed in the sea? A. No - for safety reasons - no one is allowed in the sea / only the swimming pool should be used if needed Q. So we'll have to carry our swimming gear A. Highly recommended if you plan to take a dip. It could otherwise become embarassing Q. Will you be taking photographs A. Not while you are in the pool. q. No..NO..... otherwise A. Yes - some members are carrying their cameras
And they keep coming ........
Q. Are we taking a doctor along? A. Yes - Dr. So XXX S XXXX Q. Is he qualified? A. That's what the background screening report said Q.What about medicines and a hospital? A. About 15 km away - so carry your own special medicines (if required) Q. Can i catch the bus on the way? A. Sure - but you would need to run really fast Q. Is my mobile going to work? A. Yes - as long as you charge it Q. What network will be available A. None - in the resort Q- But....you said my mobile would work A. Yes - mobiles work even without the network - network is required only to make a call Q. Does the resort have TV A. Yes - in all the rooms Q. Does it show movies A. No - only training videos Q. Does the resort have child care A. No - we expect everyone to behave as adults Q. Is the Bangalore team coming in A. Yes they are flying in Q. Flying in - why cant we fly A. Because we dont have wings Q. No...... fly like the Bangalore team A. Because it's difficult to fly and land at the same airport Q. Can we fly to the resort A. Yes - but you cant land there Q.I dont know most of the people in the team - i'll feel left out A. Thats the objective of the workshop Q. To feel left out ? A. No .... to meet the other people Q. What clothes are recommended A. Last year most folks survived in shorts/ trackpants / T-shirts and windcheaters Q. Any recommended colors for me A. Yes - Purple ...with large yellow polka dots Q. How far is the beach A. A stone's throw away Q. I can throw very far A Good for you - you'll have to walk more than the others then Q. Are we allowed in the sea? A. No - for safety reasons - no one is allowed in the sea / only the swimming pool should be used if needed Q. So we'll have to carry our swimming gear A. Highly recommended if you plan to take a dip. It could otherwise become embarassing Q. Will you be taking photographs A. Not while you are in the pool. q. No..NO..... otherwise A. Yes - some members are carrying their cameras
Dinner with God
Dinner with God (of Small tthings)
For the unitiated - A to D is a performance ranking and D is the bottom of the pile.
I was recently invited for a surprise dinner at my host's house. Frankly, i was quite surprised to get the invitation, for in the eyes of this senior player, i was just another 4D. The day arrived and i was quite excited. It was exactly seven in the evening when the car arrived to pick me up. I had already been told that the car that was being sent to me was not the best car that the host had. It had to fit my profile and that it was. It was a GOLD colored car with the ominous number DL 3C XXXX. The driver was quick to inform me that the other cars that the host had were DL 2B XXXX for any senior person who was in his good books and DL 1A XXXX in case you were a top performer. I quietly got into the car. The drive to the host's house was eventful. We did not take the usual straight route to our destination and went via Dhobi Talao, a number of chawls and even some colleges and playgrounds. When i innocently inquired from the driver why we were taking such a circuitous route, i was told that the host took this route everyday in search of "hi-po" folks, and that the driver was so accustomed to the route that it was but natural for him to take it. I sighed !!!!! The building that my host stayed in was called "House of GOD". I was not even faintly surprised. But i could not find the house number 1A on the first floor. Perplexed i asked the watchman where the door to the house was and i was told that the entrance was on the top floor. He sounded educated when he told me that entrance for house 1A could never been on the base floors. I was suitable flummoxed but refrained my reacting. This was going to be a very interesting evening. So i trudged upstairs and finally out on the rooftop , i found 1A. The door had two bells each one labelled differently . The first one said "Mobility" and the second one said "Vision". I naturally pressed vision and immediately a light came on and shone on me. I knew i was enlightened. When nothing else happened except being shown the vision, i pressed mobility. Aha !!!! immediately a door opened and a voice said " You have identified the correct BUZZ word for the day.....welcome to the house of wisdom" The first thing i did was ask why he stayed on the roof top and he took me to the window and asked me to look outside. I saw the rest of the world below but still did not get the answer. I inquired again and was told that this was to get a 60,000 foot view of the world as also to be able to quickly float away in the background whenever required. Everything seemed to be labelled here..... the sofa said "Ass-it and Width Management", The music system was a hi-FI, the couch was called fi-naps...........they even had a "monik" painting on the wall............and the dining table had four LAGS. The hair brush on the dresser was called COMBaitore, the pc was called WIZEag, the loo was called MMM (i assumed that would be Monday morning meeting) and the WC was the back-office. There was four pigeons in a cage called COO1, COO2, ................ It was then that I saw a strange looking animal in the house nuzzling my leg but with the eyes covered by a blind fold. The look on my face must have said "what's this?". I was explained by the seven year old in the house that most dog bodies go through their lives with "blinkers on" and that's the reason why the dog ( aha ...that's what it was) had been given the correct inputs. I was introduced to the family. My host was the head and sat at the top of the pyramid (it poked and hurt like hell but it was for a cause!!!). The lady of the house was naturally a "Mummy" in the pyramid. The youngster was a omnipresent and pesky young fellow called "Competence". Now i figured out what the famous dialogue in office meant - "I had Competence about seven years ago". The servants were 'Skills" and "Attitude" . As if i needed an explanation............ you needed both to be at his position. So he just got them in the house for 24 hours a day. Skills used to be the driver but as part of an IJP became the butler while Attitude used to be the gardener and since he was familiar with vegetables, was moved to becoming the new cooking sensation. Meanwhile the erstwhile butler had driven me to the host's place and the former cook was the car cleaner because he was not good with presentation of food and needed some cleaning up - although he made very good food. But lack of overall profile let him down. "Mummy" was the designated leadership level for all of them. They also had a maid called B(a)I........ Any way the entire family (attitude, skills competence and dog body included) then suddenly sat down in front of me very quietly and started writing furiously on a piece a paper that each had. The younger one was using some colors too. See my amazement, my host explained that they were doing a quick assessment to see if i could be served dinner. A few minutes later, the family left me alone and went into a room where i could hear lots of voices. Fifteen minutes later, the verdict was out. I was a high pot - low perf person who could be fed a little bit to see if "i get it" failing which i may have to go back home a little hungry - maybe even take the "STEPS" home. I desperately needed a drink .......... I asked for a Royal Challenge and the scorns were visible in the eyes of the family. Another bottom of the pyramid demand ........... faux paus made....i should have asked for Chivas ...but it was too late to change my "low end bottom of the pyramid mindset". How could i ever hope for upward mobility. The lights in the house were switched on but one of the lamps refused to play ball and did not light up. The seven year old immediately got a paint can and painted the lamp red and placed in outside the house. There was no room was unsuccessful things in the house, i was told. The music playing sounded very familiar so i strained my ear and then it hit me. It was a replay of a lecture on 'how to improve the country from my room" that I and a few other unfortunate colleagues of mine had heard a few days back. No wonder it was striking a chord for me. Dinner was served and we were seated. I grabbed my napkin but found something written on it as i got it close to my face. I opened it to find the "pre dinner food assessment form" . Instead of the knife, spoon and fork rested a red, green and yellow marked. I gave the gobi a yellow, the roti's a red and the chicken a green. After the meal made by the former gardener, i change the post dinner assessment to all red , which upset the host. He immediately rejected my assessment since i was a red myself . Abruptly the dinner was withdrawn. I was paranoid that the little seven year old COO would come and paint me red too...... but better sense prevailed and i only got a dab of yellow across my face. By now the music had changed to "SUPERSTAR".........i puked and was thrown down the stair........i could not find my LAGS under me .............i was finapped in his eyes............
Tuesday
Farewell JPM-GSC
The end is near................... so the mail is due ..................
What a crazy two years it has been ......... but i guess i would never want to swap these two years with anything else (except for a holiday in the South of France or a Kenyan Jungle safari)
I remember the day when i came into this team ......... it was in the extension counter of HR in the good ole days when we sat in an almost different world....... and got introduced to "Sugarcane" Shounak and "Lets eat something" D'costa and the smoking gang of "Touch phone" PG, "Band" Sen , 'kya body hai" Maini and "Google" Mishra......met the "Feet on the Table please"Ahuja......what a bunch of blokes they were........ all the meetings used to take place on the rooftop........... and the non smokers used to join us there if any team discussion needed to happen.......... "Cricket khelta hu..... lekin run nahi banata hu" Abhi ne apne dukan aalag kari......... Friday ko 3pm - 4pm ...... sabke ears se smoke nikalti thi .............
And Priya with his "ek presentation banaiye " and Sathi's Shoe Shop and "Matching footwear" Arunima, the hyper-calm combination of the Roopa twins, Mad Madhavi to "Dichqiaow" Dilshaaaad.......... the Irish Coffee of CJ and the blasting on all cylinders Nandita........ Of "Wives" Bent pleading for candidates to understand his name, to the "fondly remembered" Ms summer trainee ( "director "Pande ko har waqt line engaged mili)...........those were the days
Leadership presentation rev 1, rev 2......... Learning Centre inaugration.......Day One..........Career fairs..... exploding stress balls.............
Of the days in the rain at our first offsite, when the team Blue hung Satyan to dry ........where wet white shorts were the order of the day and DJ Priti made music (and thankfully did not sing)............. the singing of the national anthem on the Sunday morning .........to getting DISC profiled...........what an event that was......
And then came the next wave of new folks ............ "Accented in Voice and Hair" Isha and "Patna ke bhai" Sinha..., "Daru" with Deepen (still waiting for it) after Koffee with Kevin..... "Kaam ho jayega" Nair and "office meri zindagi hai" Parikh....... C&B Bent ( as is Chotta Bhai Bent)....."Deck" D'Silva ........ Bangalore woke up to us ........ waha ka Raja Kaza bana ........ "Gupta hiring Plan" mein focus hua - Shikha , Indrajeet aur Anand aiye ..........66% attrition hua ...........plan shelve kiya.......... Dilli ki mahajan ka 26 July ko pati ke sath Pink room mein meeting karna...woh bhi yaad hai.............. Jayanti bhai went on leave .....hr systems and policies collapsed for a week...............
Mentoring shuru karna .... lekin meeting nahi.....friday ko vada pav lana ...or mango kulfi bhi..............yadgaar hai yeh sab..............cricket match with mutton pav .........and loads of beer .........
Elsewhere ......"Teena ki fauj" ready hui ...... (No Males .....No Mails was their motto) ...CEP Forever Dolon and Kisi ka Bhateeja picked up an "twang" accent ..... there or not there ...no one knows.......alag hi duniya hai .. aur "Mahesh's" Angels made the cafeteria their head quarters (strictly between 3pm and 6pm only please)...... one doctor came into being ........ lekin ilaj mein lafda tha........."Prom" Pande kept at it and continued to meet atleast 25 women everyday ..... with 2% conversion............ still a bachelor due to large drop outs ...........
D'Costa went on a hiring spree to build his equivalent of Mahesh Angels......... "Socialist' Pradhan......... "Power Puff (oops i think its Power Point) Woodman, Gupta khandaan, ........Punjab's Makki ki roti and sarsoan ka saag combination of Kalra and Randhawa ........ then he went beyond over limit (in hindi ..Seema ko paar kiya)
Then there was the green offsite ........" from the Silent powers" of Sheeba and Tresa ......to the dancing duo or "Priyanka and Vidhi" ...............photographs mein strategic seating hui......"VPs" ko Kapde Heen kara gaya...... office mein nahi ...waha sahi ............videos were played to the larger audience ...........even posteriors were captured for posterity ......Vohra & Arora ........ single track...different destinations ....in both places the train did not stop ............
Gradutae Hiring ki mara mari ..........L&D and Recruitment ka tutna ...FCOE ka gyan sunna ...... TSS ka accent.......IBO ki firing...........Sunita ki "'rath" yatra and Surbhi ka hasna ......moin ka mutton or romi ke kabaab.........
Structure change kara .......... then again change kara .......... and phir change kara.............. and exits ka daur shuru hua............ mera bhi number aa gaya ...........
I'll Miss you guys................if i did forget to mention someone or hurt someones (finer) sentiments.............my apologies................
What a crazy two years it has been ......... but i guess i would never want to swap these two years with anything else (except for a holiday in the South of France or a Kenyan Jungle safari)
I remember the day when i came into this team ......... it was in the extension counter of HR in the good ole days when we sat in an almost different world....... and got introduced to "Sugarcane" Shounak and "Lets eat something" D'costa and the smoking gang of "Touch phone" PG, "Band" Sen , 'kya body hai" Maini and "Google" Mishra......met the "Feet on the Table please"Ahuja......what a bunch of blokes they were........ all the meetings used to take place on the rooftop........... and the non smokers used to join us there if any team discussion needed to happen.......... "Cricket khelta hu..... lekin run nahi banata hu" Abhi ne apne dukan aalag kari......... Friday ko 3pm - 4pm ...... sabke ears se smoke nikalti thi .............
And Priya with his "ek presentation banaiye " and Sathi's Shoe Shop and "Matching footwear" Arunima, the hyper-calm combination of the Roopa twins, Mad Madhavi to "Dichqiaow" Dilshaaaad.......... the Irish Coffee of CJ and the blasting on all cylinders Nandita........ Of "Wives" Bent pleading for candidates to understand his name, to the "fondly remembered" Ms summer trainee ( "director "Pande ko har waqt line engaged mili)...........those were the days
Leadership presentation rev 1, rev 2......... Learning Centre inaugration.......Day One..........Career fairs..... exploding stress balls.............
Of the days in the rain at our first offsite, when the team Blue hung Satyan to dry ........where wet white shorts were the order of the day and DJ Priti made music (and thankfully did not sing)............. the singing of the national anthem on the Sunday morning .........to getting DISC profiled...........what an event that was......
And then came the next wave of new folks ............ "Accented in Voice and Hair" Isha and "Patna ke bhai" Sinha..., "Daru" with Deepen (still waiting for it) after Koffee with Kevin..... "Kaam ho jayega" Nair and "office meri zindagi hai" Parikh....... C&B Bent ( as is Chotta Bhai Bent)....."Deck" D'Silva ........ Bangalore woke up to us ........ waha ka Raja Kaza bana ........ "Gupta hiring Plan" mein focus hua - Shikha , Indrajeet aur Anand aiye ..........66% attrition hua ...........plan shelve kiya.......... Dilli ki mahajan ka 26 July ko pati ke sath Pink room mein meeting karna...woh bhi yaad hai.............. Jayanti bhai went on leave .....hr systems and policies collapsed for a week...............
Mentoring shuru karna .... lekin meeting nahi.....friday ko vada pav lana ...or mango kulfi bhi..............yadgaar hai yeh sab..............cricket match with mutton pav .........and loads of beer .........
Elsewhere ......"Teena ki fauj" ready hui ...... (No Males .....No Mails was their motto) ...CEP Forever Dolon and Kisi ka Bhateeja picked up an "twang" accent ..... there or not there ...no one knows.......alag hi duniya hai .. aur "Mahesh's" Angels made the cafeteria their head quarters (strictly between 3pm and 6pm only please)...... one doctor came into being ........ lekin ilaj mein lafda tha........."Prom" Pande kept at it and continued to meet atleast 25 women everyday ..... with 2% conversion............ still a bachelor due to large drop outs ...........
D'Costa went on a hiring spree to build his equivalent of Mahesh Angels......... "Socialist' Pradhan......... "Power Puff (oops i think its Power Point) Woodman, Gupta khandaan, ........Punjab's Makki ki roti and sarsoan ka saag combination of Kalra and Randhawa ........ then he went beyond over limit (in hindi ..Seema ko paar kiya)
Then there was the green offsite ........" from the Silent powers" of Sheeba and Tresa ......to the dancing duo or "Priyanka and Vidhi" ...............photographs mein strategic seating hui......"VPs" ko Kapde Heen kara gaya...... office mein nahi ...waha sahi ............videos were played to the larger audience ...........even posteriors were captured for posterity ......Vohra & Arora ........ single track...different destinations ....in both places the train did not stop ............
Gradutae Hiring ki mara mari ..........L&D and Recruitment ka tutna ...FCOE ka gyan sunna ...... TSS ka accent.......IBO ki firing...........Sunita ki "'rath" yatra and Surbhi ka hasna ......moin ka mutton or romi ke kabaab.........
Structure change kara .......... then again change kara .......... and phir change kara.............. and exits ka daur shuru hua............ mera bhi number aa gaya ...........
I'll Miss you guys................if i did forget to mention someone or hurt someones (finer) sentiments.............my apologies................
HR Alphabet Soup
We all know that HR is evolving .....here is a quick guide to tell you where it is headed and how you need to start bracing yourselves as your function evolves
PS - you can plot your current support on the same and watch the progress......... please bear in mind that moving from one stage to the other could be a matters of days , hours , minutes or even seconds............. the writer takes no responsibility for the organization retracing their tracks mid way or skipping levels.
OA - Organization administration - same shit different day ........
OB- Organization Behavior ...but naturally....where you start pushing everything down to training and blaming inadequate training for all failures
OC - Organization Capability - this is when %$#@ starts hitting the ceiling and you blame inadequate resources as the root cause of everything
OD - Org Development - the first awakening ..... when rewards and compensation takes the blame
OE - Org Effectiveness - when processes are blamed and process is set up for review over a long term..........
OF - Oh F%$# ............. the natural reaction to all the issues faced
OG - Oh Gawd ............... the same as above ...but when the HR guys become indifferent to everything
OH - oh .....ho .......... when HR attrition hits...........and they also start hoping for themselves
OI - Organizational Idiots ........... the first wave of new HR hires joining a sinking function...
OJ - Org Jokers............. when the new comers join the old pack and identify with each other . Old and new see the same problems over different time frames
OK - OK ....i'll survive here ......... the indifference again........... only this time the money is better
OL - Oh Lord....again............. when the Biz Managers start yelling about issues again
OM - OM ........ Namo....... Bhagwan hi malik hai......that chant begins .........when Hr starts praying for divine intervention
ON - Organization Never Again ............ when all the Biz IJPs have HR folks applying
OO - OOps ...... mistake made by taking this as a career............. when HR proposals get rejected because they are hereditary HR .........
OP - OPerations ki galti hai ......... reverse psychology gets applied and HR starts blaming biz for failure...
OQ - Oh Qyuh yeh sab kar raha hu main......... when enough is enough and it is time to introspect....
OR - Or is there a choice i should make ............... the consultants network gets activated again...except no one wants to hire the underworked - over paid......
OS - Org Stuck .......... market benchmark says that the HR guys cant find jobs.....C&B takes the blame for making them overpaid......
OT - Org Time-Out......time to pack up.......... the threshold gets to the HR folks and they take anything that comes their way
OU - Oh...U too sir ........ when the HR guys realize that their boss has moved to the same new company .......
OV - Organization Victory - when the organization lets the HR folks know that they are as good as the furniture around.......
OW -OK...We......will take revenge and will together sink the new company now
OX - Organizational Xerox.............. the new org also follows the same life cycle as the previous one and the one before that.............
OY - Oh Yes....... the solution is nearby ....after all there are only 26 alphabets .........
OZ - Organizational ZZZZZZZZzz....... when the HR guys realize that sleep conquers all - they prefer to do that than work
PS - you can plot your current support on the same and watch the progress......... please bear in mind that moving from one stage to the other could be a matters of days , hours , minutes or even seconds............. the writer takes no responsibility for the organization retracing their tracks mid way or skipping levels.
OA - Organization administration - same shit different day ........
OB- Organization Behavior ...but naturally....where you start pushing everything down to training and blaming inadequate training for all failures
OC - Organization Capability - this is when %$#@ starts hitting the ceiling and you blame inadequate resources as the root cause of everything
OD - Org Development - the first awakening ..... when rewards and compensation takes the blame
OE - Org Effectiveness - when processes are blamed and process is set up for review over a long term..........
OF - Oh F%$# ............. the natural reaction to all the issues faced
OG - Oh Gawd ............... the same as above ...but when the HR guys become indifferent to everything
OH - oh .....ho .......... when HR attrition hits...........and they also start hoping for themselves
OI - Organizational Idiots ........... the first wave of new HR hires joining a sinking function...
OJ - Org Jokers............. when the new comers join the old pack and identify with each other . Old and new see the same problems over different time frames
OK - OK ....i'll survive here ......... the indifference again........... only this time the money is better
OL - Oh Lord....again............. when the Biz Managers start yelling about issues again
OM - OM ........ Namo....... Bhagwan hi malik hai......that chant begins .........when Hr starts praying for divine intervention
ON - Organization Never Again ............ when all the Biz IJPs have HR folks applying
OO - OOps ...... mistake made by taking this as a career............. when HR proposals get rejected because they are hereditary HR .........
OP - OPerations ki galti hai ......... reverse psychology gets applied and HR starts blaming biz for failure...
OQ - Oh Qyuh yeh sab kar raha hu main......... when enough is enough and it is time to introspect....
OR - Or is there a choice i should make ............... the consultants network gets activated again...except no one wants to hire the underworked - over paid......
OS - Org Stuck .......... market benchmark says that the HR guys cant find jobs.....C&B takes the blame for making them overpaid......
OT - Org Time-Out......time to pack up.......... the threshold gets to the HR folks and they take anything that comes their way
OU - Oh...U too sir ........ when the HR guys realize that their boss has moved to the same new company .......
OV - Organization Victory - when the organization lets the HR folks know that they are as good as the furniture around.......
OW -OK...We......will take revenge and will together sink the new company now
OX - Organizational Xerox.............. the new org also follows the same life cycle as the previous one and the one before that.............
OY - Oh Yes....... the solution is nearby ....after all there are only 26 alphabets .........
OZ - Organizational ZZZZZZZZzz....... when the HR guys realize that sleep conquers all - they prefer to do that than work
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